Question: What do you remember about your childhood?
My memories of my childhood are not happy ones. I'm sure that my childhood was no worse than it was for many of my friends and perhaps better than most, but that's not what I remember. I was a very tense and serious child. I remember constantly worrying about everything, constantly feeling on guard and as if I weren't able or allowed to be myself. I was always trying to do the right things and always feeling as if I were failing. I never felt good enough. I was always being corrected and told that I'm doing this wrong and that, that I had to behave better, be more polite, have better manners, get better grades. Everything in life was an opportunity for improvement.
The only truly happy times I remember are the times I spent with my grandmother. I adored her without reservations. When I mention my grandmother, I'm always talking about Grandma Bronya, my mother's mother. I had two grandmothers and I'm sure that my other grandmother loved me just as much as Grandma Bronya, but for me, "grandmother" always meant Bronya and no one else. I remember my heart thumping wildly, practically bursting out of my chest with happiness each time I went to spend time with her, especially when my parents would leave me at her house for a few days.
I have two memories, which in my mind, are forever connected with that happiness of being at my grandma's house. My grandma's house was at the end of a long, narrow, winding alleyway. The path was all gravel and the entrance to my grandma's yard was a tall, wooden gate. I remember running ahead of my parents, bursting through the gate and yelling, "Grandma! I came to stay for a million days!" I would do this every time we came to visit, even when I got older and would come to visit on my own, I would reach over the gate for the key, unlock it and then yell it out as a greeting.
There are a lot of things I remember about my stays with my grandmother, but one particularly stands out in my mind. In those days, it was believed that kids should nap every day. Kids napped to a much older age than they do here. At my grandma's house, she would usually put me to nap on one of two couches in the house, depending on what she was doing and who else was at home. Most of the walls had decorative rugs hanging on them and I of course knew all the patterns of all the rugs in the various rooms. I remember waking up from my naps and delaying the moment of opening my eyes. Consciously I knew that I was at my grandma's house, but there was a moment of fear in case I wasn't and so I would delay the moment when I would find out the truth. And then, as I would open my eyes and see the familiar pattern of one of her rugs on the wall above me, I would feel a hot wave of joy and happiness wash through me. It's impossible to describe or compare that feeling of absolute contentment to anything else. Those moments were pure magic and the happiest times of my childhood.
Well, i'm still considered a 'child', but I remember still lots of things that happened to me when I was younger. I remember in 1st grade we took a field trip to this place where there were fish, it wasn't an aquarium, but like a filtered lake I think. I'm not really sure how to explain it. In kinder-garden, I remember my birthday party at the jumping place. That was LOTS of fun. I ran around with Nicole, and we had a blast. I remember all of my moves, first from Boston to Seattle, then back to Boston, then back to Seattle (:D) and then to Hershey, where I am. I remember at the beginning of 4th grade, I was so excited to be at a new school. But at night I remember crying because I missed my life in Seattle. I made friends, like Mia, and Deirdre, and Jenna, and then this year, Shan. I remember my old obsession with Friendly's and when Kat lived with me (all I can say about that is 'ow'). I remember my first time to Aeropostale with Kat. I remember this one time, in kinder-garden when you were trying to teach me to ride a bike, and it failed because I kept letting go of the handles. (I finally figured out why I did that. I wasn't balanced and I got worried that I was going to tip over) I remember playing with Kat and Eric outside in Seattle. I was too scared to climb the tree. I remember all of the days that dad would come to Boys & Girls club, and he'd come with his 2 person bike. I had a fun time on that bike. I remember my first 6 hour flight across America when I was moving to Seattle and the first time I flew on an airplane alone. Although having 2 families can be tough, it's also twice as much fun!
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